Lately it seems that I have been focusing on the overwhelming frustrations of being in a relationship. I feel the heartaches every time I fail to be the beautiful, Christ-like woman who my boyfriend deserves--the way he looks helplessly at me when I am crying, broken by another battle with Satan--I can't stand the things I do to him! I am constantly conflicted with selfish desires, sinful impulses, and the exhaustion of my unworthiness. In my darkest moments, I convince myself that it would be better for both my boyfriend and I to end our relationship--the reality of pain and failure all too probable.
Since beginning in this relationship with my boyfriend, I have treated both him and God poorly. I am guilty of second-guessing their decisions. I have taken them both for granted on multiple occasions. I have doubted the beauty they both see in me and have questioned their unfailing love. But, still, both God and my boyfriend forgive me every time I fail. Every time I fail. They tell me I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that things will be OK if I am willing to trust them.
I am so thankful for the blessings from the Heavenly Lover of my soul and for the love of my earthly soul mate.
Please keep me in your prayers,
Grace
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ
Girls,
As I was going through old e-mails, I ran across this e-mail I sent myself and the subject was "use this in the girl blog". The "body" of my message was this "Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ" As I just read that now, I thought to myself "I could expand on this, or, I could just let them reflect on it." So, that's what I choose to do, know this, and reflect on this. Make it what you remember each day this week.
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ
Love,
Hope
As I was going through old e-mails, I ran across this e-mail I sent myself and the subject was "use this in the girl blog". The "body" of my message was this "Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ" As I just read that now, I thought to myself "I could expand on this, or, I could just let them reflect on it." So, that's what I choose to do, know this, and reflect on this. Make it what you remember each day this week.
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ
Love,
Hope
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Oh Boys. . .
Hello girls!
Well, a few days ago, I was able to get together with Grace, and we had a wonderful talk! Of course there was food involved too--tehehe :-)
Anyway, we were sitting down and talking about our blog. We were talking about how we pray for it, and are so hopeful that it will really reach out to girls and change their lives. We hope that they realize that they really aren't the only ones struggling in this alone. Something I really want to make sure you know is this: you ARE loved by our Heavenly Father, and you ARE forgiven! Isn't that great news? Now it isn't news that gives you the "free-for-all" to go do whatever in your relationship, BUT it does give you grace and hope, and freedom and forgiveness. Isn't that amazing? God loves you so much. He doesn't want to see you hurting, and He doesn't want to see you hurting yourselves either.
Moving on, we talked about BOYS and engagement and all that girly stuff. No, we are not engaged, but it is fun dreaming about it. You know what though? I was thinking about this, and I really want to make sure that my relationship with Will is really strong and at least have been worked on a lot in the physical way before we get engaged, because I want to make sure that we are able to work through anything. And, I don't want to just get engaged to him and eventually married because we want to be together in all the physical senses. Those are the WRONG reasons for engagement or marriage.
Anyway, I'm not really sure where I am going with this, so I am sorry you have now read my ramblings.
Girls, I love you, I'm praying for you, and there is HOPE,
Love,
Hope
Well, a few days ago, I was able to get together with Grace, and we had a wonderful talk! Of course there was food involved too--tehehe :-)
Anyway, we were sitting down and talking about our blog. We were talking about how we pray for it, and are so hopeful that it will really reach out to girls and change their lives. We hope that they realize that they really aren't the only ones struggling in this alone. Something I really want to make sure you know is this: you ARE loved by our Heavenly Father, and you ARE forgiven! Isn't that great news? Now it isn't news that gives you the "free-for-all" to go do whatever in your relationship, BUT it does give you grace and hope, and freedom and forgiveness. Isn't that amazing? God loves you so much. He doesn't want to see you hurting, and He doesn't want to see you hurting yourselves either.
Moving on, we talked about BOYS and engagement and all that girly stuff. No, we are not engaged, but it is fun dreaming about it. You know what though? I was thinking about this, and I really want to make sure that my relationship with Will is really strong and at least have been worked on a lot in the physical way before we get engaged, because I want to make sure that we are able to work through anything. And, I don't want to just get engaged to him and eventually married because we want to be together in all the physical senses. Those are the WRONG reasons for engagement or marriage.
Anyway, I'm not really sure where I am going with this, so I am sorry you have now read my ramblings.
Girls, I love you, I'm praying for you, and there is HOPE,
Love,
Hope
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
1 Week
Hello, sisters in Christ!
This is Grace writing about a praise I want to share.
It has been 1 week since my boyfriend and I did anything sexual (innocent cuddling and kissing does not count as "sexual"!) However, when I think about how relieved I am that we didn't "fail" this week, I also realize there were several factors that made this goal more easily attainable:
First, my boyfriend and I did not see each other as often this week. Usually, we see each other almost every day for a few hours--and a lot more on the weekends! It was my boyfriend's idea to not spend so much time together. His reasoning was that we could minimize our physical temptation and maximize the value of our time together if we agreed to hang out less frequently. Although some days I miss him and wish we were spending time together, it also gives me some "me" time that I need in order to get things done!
Second, I was sick all week. Allergies :P So that affected my actions and attitude toward him. It's easy not to makeout with someone when your nose is a faucet of snot.
Third, I just hope we're getting better overall! My boyfriend and I have been caught up in physical temptation since the first month we met! It has been a year and we are STILL struggling to go 1 WEEK without doing anything "dirty". This hurts my heart to see how little we've accomplished over the Devil; but it is also comforting to know that--although my boyfriend and I have been sinning like this for a year--God doesn't remember any of those failures. He has forgiven us and rejoices when we make the choice to act purely in our physical relationship.
Please pray for me and for Hope that we would be continually strengthened to avoid sexual temptation!
That's it for now!
Blessings,
Grace
This is Grace writing about a praise I want to share.
It has been 1 week since my boyfriend and I did anything sexual (innocent cuddling and kissing does not count as "sexual"!) However, when I think about how relieved I am that we didn't "fail" this week, I also realize there were several factors that made this goal more easily attainable:
First, my boyfriend and I did not see each other as often this week. Usually, we see each other almost every day for a few hours--and a lot more on the weekends! It was my boyfriend's idea to not spend so much time together. His reasoning was that we could minimize our physical temptation and maximize the value of our time together if we agreed to hang out less frequently. Although some days I miss him and wish we were spending time together, it also gives me some "me" time that I need in order to get things done!
Second, I was sick all week. Allergies :P So that affected my actions and attitude toward him. It's easy not to makeout with someone when your nose is a faucet of snot.
Third, I just hope we're getting better overall! My boyfriend and I have been caught up in physical temptation since the first month we met! It has been a year and we are STILL struggling to go 1 WEEK without doing anything "dirty". This hurts my heart to see how little we've accomplished over the Devil; but it is also comforting to know that--although my boyfriend and I have been sinning like this for a year--God doesn't remember any of those failures. He has forgiven us and rejoices when we make the choice to act purely in our physical relationship.
Please pray for me and for Hope that we would be continually strengthened to avoid sexual temptation!
That's it for now!
Blessings,
Grace
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Backing it up with Numbers!
Hey girls!
Yesterday, Grace wrote a really great entry about roadsigns. Today, I was reading my Bible, and came across the following passage: "The angel of the LORD asked him, "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. [a] 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her."
34 Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, "I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back." Numbers 22:32-34. After reading that, I thought "Whoa, God, I understand."
Anyway, food for thought,
Hope
Yesterday, Grace wrote a really great entry about roadsigns. Today, I was reading my Bible, and came across the following passage: "The angel of the LORD asked him, "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. [a] 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her."
34 Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, "I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back." Numbers 22:32-34. After reading that, I thought "Whoa, God, I understand."
Anyway, food for thought,
Hope
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Road Block Metaphor
I know that Hope and I both struggle the most with physical temptation. The truth that hurts the most is that we (us girls) usually initiate the physical actions that lead to greater temptation. (I could go on and on about more details of this, but I'll save that for later posts.)
Right now, I want to illustrate our sexual temptation as a road block in our relationship.
We all drive cars, yeah? For this purpose, let's pretend our physical relationship is like a car. When you and your boyfriend are hanging out together, you are in that car (relationship). Everything is going smoothly as you drive along--until you get distracted and make a wrong turn. (Usually, for me, the distraction is hormonal, sexual thoughts about my boyfriend.) Now you are streering your "car" (physical relationship) down a dead end road.
WARNING: Road Closed Ahead--The first sign you might "see" (and ignore) is the one that makes you aware of your surroundings. If you and your boyfriend are alone together, that is tempting. And that is bad news. Your conscience is putting up warning signs for you to change the situation now, before you go too far.
STOP--You know what this sign means. If you catch yourself rationalizing why it is OK for you to indulge in sexual temptations, that is a MAJOR red flag! If you feel yourself thinking: "But, it's been a while since..." or "I won't let it go too far this time..." that is Satan speaking and that is a clue to not continue!
TURN AROUND--If you've ignored the first two signs, then chances are you have initiated physical intimacy with your boyfriend (cuddling, kissing, making out, touching, etc). This behavior should be reversed now, before things get more out of control.
Off Roading--By this point, if you haven't stopped or turned around, you are now off of the road, narrowly colliding with trees, and you and your boyfriend are about to, metaphorically, go careening off a cliff. Damage is being done to your "car" as you have now put yourself and your loved one in a very dangerous position.
God may be your safety belt, but you’ve let Satan take the wheel—and he doesn’t care about you or your relationship. This hazardous off road experience will damage your car—and may even permanently total your relationship.
Think about it.
Grace
Right now, I want to illustrate our sexual temptation as a road block in our relationship.
We all drive cars, yeah? For this purpose, let's pretend our physical relationship is like a car. When you and your boyfriend are hanging out together, you are in that car (relationship). Everything is going smoothly as you drive along--until you get distracted and make a wrong turn. (Usually, for me, the distraction is hormonal, sexual thoughts about my boyfriend.) Now you are streering your "car" (physical relationship) down a dead end road.
WARNING: Road Closed Ahead--The first sign you might "see" (and ignore) is the one that makes you aware of your surroundings. If you and your boyfriend are alone together, that is tempting. And that is bad news. Your conscience is putting up warning signs for you to change the situation now, before you go too far.
STOP--You know what this sign means. If you catch yourself rationalizing why it is OK for you to indulge in sexual temptations, that is a MAJOR red flag! If you feel yourself thinking: "But, it's been a while since..." or "I won't let it go too far this time..." that is Satan speaking and that is a clue to not continue!
TURN AROUND--If you've ignored the first two signs, then chances are you have initiated physical intimacy with your boyfriend (cuddling, kissing, making out, touching, etc). This behavior should be reversed now, before things get more out of control.
Off Roading--By this point, if you haven't stopped or turned around, you are now off of the road, narrowly colliding with trees, and you and your boyfriend are about to, metaphorically, go careening off a cliff. Damage is being done to your "car" as you have now put yourself and your loved one in a very dangerous position.
God may be your safety belt, but you’ve let Satan take the wheel—and he doesn’t care about you or your relationship. This hazardous off road experience will damage your car—and may even permanently total your relationship.
Think about it.
Grace
Monday, October 11, 2010
9 Mistakes Rescued by God
Dear sisters~
Alright, I have had this stuff on my heart for quite some time, and I have been wanting to share it with you. Right now, I am supposed to be studying for a tough test, but instead, I choose to write to you.
About two weeks ago, Will and I crossed the line. We REALLY crossed the line. We have been working really hard on not laying down while making out, dry humping, and other things that would have constituted crossing the line. HOWEVER, my fingers found themselves dancing along his waist band of his jeans. (Mistake number 1) I could tell the emotion in his face on how that pleased him, and he wanted more. So, my fingers started tracing further down his pants. (Mistake number 2) Now, let me clarify, they never touched his penis under his pants, but I could tell he really wanted me to touch him, so I did it. I have never done this before, and it started freaking me out. I mean, I had felt him before as we had dry humped before, but my hand never felt his penis until that night. I could tell the sheer excitement on his face. I wanted to please him, but I wasn't pleasing him in the way I should have been as a woman of Christ. (Mistake number 3) His hand found its way between my legs and he started rubbing. (Mistake number 4) I begged him to move to my bedroom, and so we did. (Mistake number 5) We laid down (Mistake number 6), we made out (Mistake number 7) we continued rubbing each other in-between the legs (mistake number 8), and we dry humped (mistake number 9). My heart raced, my head spun, and I hyperventilated. We stopped immediately. I shut down and wouldn't talk to him, then I cried, and didn't stop for an hour or so. I think that is where God stepped in and was like "Hope, I know you don't want to do this, but you are, and you can't seem to find your way out, so let me pull you out of this now."
Since then, Will and I have not made out. We have kept our kisses to simple kisses. Now, this is killing him. He hates it. He tries suggesting other things such as "not making out while laying down" "not making out and touching each other--anywhere at the same time." But girls, this isn't going to work. We know what it feels like to turn each other on. We love pleasing each other, and obviously we are physically compatible together. So what to do? We know we want to one day get married, but that's not for at least a year and a half, and that is a long time to keep it at just kissing. How do we get intimate? For me, it is easier, because as girls, we are emotional creatures, so we connect intimately emotionally, but for guys, it is physically.
Will brought it up again tonight, and I don't have an answer for him. We both understand each other's views. He does understand though that he will not push me into it--he says that that is a huge guilt he would have to live with, and I am too important to him for that. So that is hope right there.
Girls, I don't have an answer for you right now. I don't have an answer for Will and me right now. But we are working through it together. That is my advice to you tonight. Work through it together. Keep praying. You may have crossed the line to this extent, less, or more. The "depth" isn't really important as it all is a sin. What is important though is that God will pull you out, and He will give you hope, He will remind you that all He wants for you is the best. He loves his daughter(s), and He is going to give you hope that this can change, but let God be your pilot instead of your co-pilot.
I'm praying for YOU!
Your sister in Christ,
Hope
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Who Am I? I Am Grace
Dear Sisters in Christ~
Why am I writing this at 3:00 in the morning? Besides the fact that God put it on my heart to help start this blog, I guess He also felt that I should post this now--when I would be sleeping--because of the confession I am about to make:
I am in love!
I am an "Eve" who has found my heaven-made, heart-matched, mine-and-only-mine forever "Adam", with whom I want to spend the rest of my life! However, being in a relationship with him is more overwhelming than I imagined!
So, what? Big deal. Ms. Anonymous Christian Blog Girl is dating a guy she really likes...
Yes! It is a big deal--a HUGE, life-changing, what-have-I-got-myself-into deal! Because of this relationship, I have gone through ups and downs of temptation and doubt and have cried more in the past year than I have in my entire adult life! I am questioning the woman I have become and the woman I want to be.
I want to be Grace. I want you (and my boyfriend) to see the reflection of God's grace in my relationship. But more on that later...
Like my friend, Hope, everything I share in these blog posts is honest and sincere. I am choosing to write under the name Grace and will not mention my boyfriend's real name either for the sake of personal dignity.
I pray that you are open to recieving our experiences and desire for Hope and Grace to touch your life in some way through this blog.
Blessings,
Grace
Why am I writing this at 3:00 in the morning? Besides the fact that God put it on my heart to help start this blog, I guess He also felt that I should post this now--when I would be sleeping--because of the confession I am about to make:
I am in love!
I am an "Eve" who has found my heaven-made, heart-matched, mine-and-only-mine forever "Adam", with whom I want to spend the rest of my life! However, being in a relationship with him is more overwhelming than I imagined!
So, what? Big deal. Ms. Anonymous Christian Blog Girl is dating a guy she really likes...
Yes! It is a big deal--a HUGE, life-changing, what-have-I-got-myself-into deal! Because of this relationship, I have gone through ups and downs of temptation and doubt and have cried more in the past year than I have in my entire adult life! I am questioning the woman I have become and the woman I want to be.
I want to be Grace. I want you (and my boyfriend) to see the reflection of God's grace in my relationship. But more on that later...
Like my friend, Hope, everything I share in these blog posts is honest and sincere. I am choosing to write under the name Grace and will not mention my boyfriend's real name either for the sake of personal dignity.
I pray that you are open to recieving our experiences and desire for Hope and Grace to touch your life in some way through this blog.
Blessings,
Grace
Monday, October 4, 2010
Who I Am. I Am Hope.
Hello! I am glad you have found your way to this blog! My name is Hope. This blog is written by two friends going through similar experiences regarding physical boundaries in their relationship with their boyfriends while being a devoted Christian. We aren't the only two going through these experiences, and that's why we chose to write about them. More than likely, you are too (or have, or will). I believe that this blog will provide you HOPE that you aren't the only person going through these struggles. It is often times hard to believe that, especially as Christian women. We are told all the time that the guy is going to be the ones to pressure us into stuff physically we don’t want to do in the relationship before marriage, but we never are told about the times that we, as Christian women want to push the boundaries just as bad, and what to do in those times. I want you to know that everything I will be writing about will be drawn directly from my relationship with Will, or instances that I hear about and have been given permission to write about. The ONLY things I am not going to be real and upfront with you about, is my name, and my boyfriend’s name. That is for two reasons—1, to keep our identity, and 2, because it really doesn't matter. These are instances that many couples face, and so it makes it more applicable to everyone who reads this.
I encourage you girls to give your honest feedback, ask questions, give me (us) ideas, do whatever. This is a spot for you too. Oh, and please pass this along to every Christian girl you know!
Love,
Hope
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