Contracts?!

Hey Girls!

Well, Grace and I were talking last night (we are in communication a lot!), and we were talking about how we never seem to run out of material for this site.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing--I'm not really sure.  Anyway, I had been meaning to write about contracts.

Will and I decided to make written contracts for our relationship, because obviously verbal ones weren't working. We talked about what we wanted to include in our contracts, came to a healthy compromise, and then wrote them down.  They are pretty similar, but they are something close to the following:

Because I love God, Will, and our relationship so much, I promise to adhere to the following boundaries:

The boundaries were then listed

i.e. no making out, no turning on, not getting on top of each other etc.  

But then, it was also very important to include that we are going to start praying together again.  

We let that slide, and it caused our relationship to go downhill again.  God must be the center of your relationship--your cornerstone in order for you to build a healthy, Godly relationship.  We haven't done the best, but we are trying. And I keep praying that hopefully soon he will be able to step up and lead in prayer too.  Anyway, when we finished the contract, we made copies for each other, and have them placed in our rooms in places we can refer to them often.  It has only been almost a week since we have done this, but so far it has helped.  We still have yet to ask our accountability partners about what to do if (and probably when) we will fail.  We don't want it to be something that we beat ourselves up for, but it also needs to be something that we realize we are not just sluffing off the wrong we did.  Anyway, contracts are something that i highly suggest, a written contract is way better than verbal, because now you have something to look back on and it is right in your face about what you promised to you, your partner, and God.

I also highly recommend accountability partners.  His is a youth pastor from when he was in high school, and mine is someone that I highly respect and look up to.  I suggest that these people you choose are not your own parents (unless you have a phenomenal relationship with them and are comfortable talking about this).  They must be Christian, so they can help you along with your Christian ways you should act as Godly women and refer you to places in the Bible that reminds you of how beautiful all those feelings will be one day, but God didn't create the restriction to make you suffer, but rather to show you how beautiful it will be when you share it with that one person for life--like a gift (to refer to Gilmore Girls) it can only be given once, and if you re-gift it, it loses it's beautiful-ness and context, and meaning.  Besides the fact that it hurts you, your partner, and God.  And really girls, I am not just referring about sex here, I am talking about all the other steps that lead up to sex.  Even getting giddy when making out--save that feeling so it doesn't become dull and lose the beautiful-ness God created you to have and share with your life long partner.  Accountability partners are amazing, please use them!

So, in a quick one summary sentence, make a contract, pray, and use accountability partners!

Love you so much, and so does God,

~Hope

What is Wrong with Me?!

Dear Hope;

I don't know what's going on, but this week has been rough! Work is fine, family is fine, boyfriend is fine, but I have been stuggling with some invisible demon :P

Luckily, it's not temptation this time. My boyfriend and I haven't done anything sexual for weeks. But something in my attitude went haywire last night while we were hanging out and my mood turned sour. This has happened before, but usually my boyfriend gets me to talk about it and I work out the kinks (with the help of tissues and encouraging words); but why do these (unpredictable) meltdowns and shutdowns keep occuring?

I can't blame hormones or my period this time. Is it because the weather is changing that throws my mood off? I dislike getting stuck in a funk, and I don’t know how to deal with myself when I get that way!

While my boyfriend was over last night, my emotions did a180 and I fell into state of despondancy. When he tried to help, it actually annoyed me.What is going on?! Perhaps it's because I'm not feeling like my job or my life is fulfilling? Maybe I'm missing my old familiar college routine or that I'm missing being involved and part of more than just work and church?

I've wondered in the back of my mind if it is something psychological--since episodes of this have been occuring since I started dating. Am I becoming a bit bipolar or depressed?
My boyfriend, bless his heart, keeps trying to tell me everything will be OK, but I don't feel like that is going to solve any of my problems. He even prayed with me, but I felt like those were just his words, not mine.

I feel terrible though. He's been struggling with SO much these past few months and here he is, wiping up my tears as I sit on my bed and have a bitchy breakdown. (Wow, can't believe I used that word, but that's how I felt I was acting toward him).

I think I need to take today to myself and do some reflecting and mediating with God. He and I have a lot of “me” work to do.

Thanks for reading my rant, you are such a faithful friend!

Grace

Dear Grace;

Good morning beautiful!

First I am going to say congrats to you and your boyfriend for not doing anything sexual for two weeks! How amazing! Also, it's okay that you were annoyed with him when he tried to help. Sometimes when I am a mess, Will tells me "I am not leaving you in this state, I need to know you are okay" and well, as nice as that is, sometimes, I just want him to go away so I WOULD feel better!

It very well could be the weather changing--it's been proven that that has a great effect on our nature and what and how we do things, and even who we are. It also could be because you are used to being so involved with classes, clubs, friends, etc. that you are in a funk because this is a huge change for you.

It is interesting to me though that this has been happening since you started dating. We change when we start dating someone--you've become a lot more open with him and more emotional--as my boss says “feel your feelings”. I've often wondered if I am becoming bipolar because I can be perfectly fine with Will one moment, and the next, completely different. But I think that it is because we, with our guys, feel a broad spectrum of emotions--happy, sad, angry, loving, and everything in-between in a matter of minutes (We're like Kansas--don't like our mood, stick around 5 minutes, it'll change).

As far as praying, there are many times that they feel like just words, however, God is still hearing them. They may not mean of feel anything to you at that moment, but God is still hearing them, and knows how to respond to the prayer for YOU.

 

Also, you are in kind of limbo right now. You are a real adult--with a real job, but still living at home. You have a real boyfriend who you will marry at some point, but he has a lot going on and so it is uncertain about when you two will become one. You're half-and-half right now, and not sure when the rest of the "jump" will take place.

I don't know if any of my words make sense, help, or are just words. BUT above all, I am always here to listen, and I am always here to offer up prayers.

I love you (in a great friend way ;-) )

Hope