Hey ladies!
I am warning you in advance, this might get a little long, however, it is worth reading, because I have a feeling at some point or another in your relationship you may encounter the following situation.
There is this ex of mine. We only dated for 7 months, but we were best friends, and practically dated for three years (just not officially). So, when a few years ago, things ended, that lasted for a while, but we found our way back into each other's lives. My feelings for him never stopped. I continued to love him, and was convinced I was going to marry him. We had talked about it, and we had talked about future plans--what we would do, where we would travel--all of this would be realistic, not just young love dreams. He was my best friend--we had been through tough times in our separate lives, but we made it through those times together. Here is the thing though, he lived a 13 hour drive away from me, so anytime that we would see each other (and it would be a week here, a week there), it was blissful, because we had all that time to love each other, but not enough time to have a real relationship with each other. What I mean here is that we would be in the honeymoon phase when we were with each other, because we didn't live a day-to-day life in our relationship. Sure, we called each other daily, and talked for hours on end without any weird pauses, however, we weren't getting to know each other's quirks, and each other's habits, and annoyances--we didn't REALLY know each other in terms of a dating relationship.
Then the breakup hit. Of course it was devastating, what breakup isn't? (Okay, unless you are the one doing the breakup, and you really don't have much of a heart at all). I was a pile of tears and depression. But again, that's normal when you've been with someone so long, and not only are you losing your boyfriend, you are also losing your best friend in one swoop!
We talked off and on, we discovered we still loved each other (but he broke promises of coming to see me, etc.) Then he went to study abroad for a semester. We didn't talk too much, but we talked. Oh yea, and over a period of time, there were many facebook messages exchanged about how we still loved each other, but he didn't think it was right, etc. And in that time, I started dating Will (see where this is going now?)
Will and I had/have a wonderful, blissful, relationship--one that is real, and is day-to-day. I mean, he lives three houses from me, how could it not? We've had fights, and arguments, and near breakups. But we have also had amazing times together, and talk about our future, and I couldn't be happier.
But then the ex and I started flirting. (Yes, I realize that is not only cheating, but also adultery). It started with simple things, but then he told me about a dream he had about me, and we were talking about the weather, and cuddling, and things just escalated. Next thing I knew, my feelings were full fledged, straight-ahead confusion because I was in love with TWO men now. I asked the ex if he prayed about it, and he said yes, and that God was leading him to me. Will says the same thing! Hello, who am I to question God? So, what do I do, I tell Will that my feelings for my ex have not gone away, and I am confused. Well, of course this hurt Will, but how could I not be straightforward with my boyfriend--the one who I love so much. Every girl loves to be loved, and being loved by two guys--well man, that is luck!
So, I prayed about it, and asked for guidance from friends and family. They all reassured me things I already knew, but it was helpful to hear it again. Honestly, at that point though, I could have seen myself easily dating AND marrying both guys. Either one I chose, God would have made the best out of it. (I kept asking myself which one God wanted me to choose, but then that whole "free will" thing came into play. . .)
It hurt to look at Will. I knew I had not only hurt him terribly, but I had hurt our relationship. He should have been disgusted with me, and said "I'm through". But instead, he said "HOPE, I FORGIVE YOU" Alright, seriously, how more perfect could this man be? He took God's loving advice, and forgave me just like my Heavenly Father forgave me. He is not going to dwell on it, but rather accept it as in the past, and move forward. Now, I am not so sure I could have done that. I would have wanted to take all that pain and hurt and continue to let him know it. But he knew I was hurting bad enough, and so why did he need to continue hurting me? No, he forgave me, just like God forgives us each and every time we screw up. Yeah, I took notes from Will that night, and realized our relationship was going to make it, our relationship was the one worth fighting for, our relationship, though not exactly where I want it in Christ's terms, is heading straight for that path. And something else he said that made me know he was the one worth it was "Hope, I have never fought this hard for a girl before. Whenever a girl has wanted to break up, I said okay, and was done with it. But I fight so hard for you, because I can't imagine a day in my life without you. Even when times are rough, the good outweighs the bad." To have someone fight for you that hard, why not show them that you love them that same amount, and fight that hard back for them? When I was off flirting with my ex, I was hurting me, Will, God, and our relationship. I was taking Will for granted--what kind of person does that? Will is letting Christ shine through him. I think we all could all take a lesson from that. We may think we have it together, we may think we are letting Christ shine through us, but honestly, let's take a reality check in the mirror, and beg Abba to clean our dirty heart out, forgive us, and fill it up with His grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
So girls, whatever you may be struggling with now, God forgives you. God is your best friend, and He will forgive you, and whatever it is that you are dealing with, if you confess it to the person it is hurting, and that person lets God shine through them, then they will forgive you too--clean slate.
Love,
Hope
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